Even Tough Men Crumble
by snapple79
Summary: Sam is used to comforting others, but a tragedy forces him to be the one comforted. Can Andy figure out what he needs? How does Sam react?
1. Chapter 1

**Even Tough Men Crumble **

I realized there were a lot of stories with Sam comforting Andy, but not many of her comforting him (aside from ones where he's injured/in the hospital) and I wanted to see that, so I wrote this. And while I got some inspiration from the emotion surrounding Jerry's death, this story has nothing to do with his death. For a rough timeframe, you could say it takes place during this season, but before all the angst and tragedy.

This was going to be a one-shot, but instead I decided to split it up into two chapters. Next chapter will be out very soon. Reviews are like presents, so please leave one. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Sam and Andy were watching Jerry interrogate a suspect they just brought in when Sam's phone rang. "Swarek...What? Is she?...What happened?...Yeah...Yeah, okay."

Andy turned toward him, hearing something in his voice. "Sam?" In two strides she was by his side as he collapsed into the nearest chair.

"I...she...gone. She's gone."

Andy furrowed her eyebrows, trying to decipher what he was trying to say. "Who? Sam, you're not making any sense." She placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping it would offer enough comfort for him to tell her what was going on.

He was staring straight ahead through the window of the observation room, but she could tell his eyes were glazed over and unfocused. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Sarah. She's dead."

All that could be heard was Andy's sharp intake of air as she comprehended what he'd said. His sister, his closest family, his best friend, a huge part of his life, had died. "How?" she asked when she regained her voice.

"Car accident." His voice was filled with emotion, but also void of it, if that were possible. Answering her questions with an unyielding calmness, but with a tone that told her he could break at any moment.

"Look, go change. I'll let Frank know we're leaving." She had to tug on his arm to get him to stand and pushed him gently through the door.

Less than 20 minutes later, Andy met Sam at his truck and jumped in the driver's seat without even asking. There was no way she was letting him get behind the wheel in the state he was in.

It was a quiet drive to Sam's apartment. Andy kept stealing glances at him as he stared out the window, but she stayed silent. When they arrived at his place, he walked through the door and dropped his bag unceremoniously to the ground before heading to the couch. She watched him as she locked the door and placed her bag next to his, before following him.

He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. "We can drive to St. Catharines tonight," she offered, sitting down next to him. She'd gulp down 10 coffees if it meant getting him down there if that's what he wanted.

"Nothing I can do there," he mumbled into his hands.

She rubbed a hand up and down his back, hoping to provide some comfort. But his sister just died, how could anything comfort him right now?

"You want to head down there tomorrow?" she asked.

He nodded. "I need to talk to Frank."

She wasn't sure if he'd forgotten, or in his daze he hadn't heard her before they left the station. "I already did. He said to take as much time as you need. He wants me to keep him posted though."

He looked up at her, his eyes giving her a silent 'thank you.' Her hand that had been rubbing his back rested at the nape of his neck, playing with the neckline of his shirt. She didn't know what to do next. Should she make him something to eat? People always offered food at times like this, as if making their stomach full would bring back the person they lost. Others would drink themselves into oblivion, but with a dad who was a recovering alcoholic, she knew drowning your sorrows wasn't the best idea. So, she was going to do what she did best, talk.

"Did they tell you what happened?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. Drunk driver, he, uh, swerved across the road. Sarah couldn't get out of the way. She died at the hospital." He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry." She scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him.

Sam looked down at his watch. Not caring how early it was, he realized he needed to shut out the world. Stop the images of Sarah trapped in a mangled car from floating around his head. Stop the pain he felt knowing that his big sister was no longer alive. "I, uh, I'm gonna go to bed," he said, standing abruptly. "You don't...you can...I'll be - "

She didn't let him finish what she knew he was trying to say. "I'm staying with you." She took his hand in hers and walked him to the bedroom. It's what he wanted, her to be close. But he didn't want to ask her to stay when he was broken, when all he really wanted to do was disappear.

They silently changed and got into bed. He wrapped an arm tight around her, his fingers gripping her hip in a way that would likely leave a bruise the next morning. But she knew he needed that, needed to hold onto her for dear life tonight. The bruise on her hip would fade, but she knew the one forming on his heart never would.

* * *

The next morning they got up early, ate a quick breakfast and stopped at Andy's so she could pick up some things before they headed to St. Catharines. Andy's allergy to silence had her chatting about anything she could think of; the cute thing Leo recently did, the ridiculous joke Dov tried to get everyone laughing at the other day, Chris' decision that his bedroom shouldn't be a revolving door anymore. And Sam was thankful. He didn't have to make awkward small talk or unpack his family baggage to her. She was content talking about anything and everything, and not asking about Sarah or his family. He wanted to tell her about his family someday, but feared talking about it now would unleash all of the emotions he was feeling, and he wasn't ready for that.

When they arrived in St. Catharines, they went directly to the hospital so Sam could fill out the paperwork for his sister to be transferred to the funeral home. He signed some forms and looked up at the doctor. "Can I see her?"

"Of course, Mr. Swarek. Have a seat and I'll have someone come get you in a few minutes," the doctor replied, before picking up the phone and giving orders to whoever was on the other end.

About 15 minutes later, a nurse approached them and asked them to follow her. They followed her to an elevator, and as she got off on another floor, and down a long hallway darker than the rest of the hospital. She made small talk about the weather, but Andy was the only one paying attention. Sam and Andy knew where they were being taken; the room where police officers bring family members to identify their lost loved ones. Sarah didn't need identifying, but Andy figured the doctor wasn't sure where else to have them view the body.

Andy hadn't let go of Sam's hand since they entered the hospital, but as the nurse indicated which door Sam should enter, Andy hesitated, wondering if Sam wanted her in there. "Do you, should I...do you want me to come in with you?"

Sam swallowed thickly, but didn't trust his voice, so he squeezed her hand tightly as he put his other hand on the doorknob and pushed the door open. They walked the few feet to the metal table in the center of the room. A gentleman on the other side of the table gently pulled back a sheet before stepping away into the shadows as if he were invisible. Sam looked down at his sister, her skin nearly as white as the sheet lying at her neck, her black hair matted to her forehead, the life gone from her. His free hand move the sheet so he could find her hand and, releasing Andy's for the first time, he grasped Sarah's lifeless hand in both of his.

"You said you'd never leave. You promised you would always be there. You broke - " He stopped when his voice started to crack and Andy put one hand on his back, the other on his forearm as she rested her cheek against his shoulder. "You broke that promise, Sarah. What am I supposed to do without you?"

He placed her hand gently back on the table and leaned down so he could place a kiss on his sister's cheek. He was taken aback by how cold her skin was against his lips, not wanting to think about the fact she would have been kept cold while they waited for him to arrive. "Goodbye Sarah."

As they walked out, hand in hand, Andy glanced over her shoulder at the invisible man who reappeared out of the shadows. "Thank you."

The nurse was waiting outside the room and held out a large manila envelope. "Ms. Swarek's personal items," she said. Noticing Sam wasn't moving, Andy reached out to take the envelope and nodded her thanks.

They left the hospital and drove to the funeral home in silence. A short gray-haired lady greeted them at the door with sincere condolences and ushered them to a back room where she waved them over to a small table. After they were seated, the woman, who said her name was Mary, opened a folder lying on the table and slid it over to Sam.

"Your sister had everything planned in case she ever died. She didn't want you to have to deal with the details," she said.

"Planned?" His sister's death had put him in a fog, making it hard to understand anything.

"What she wanted for a funeral, the wake, even down to the flowers. And, it's all been paid for."

"I guess she's a planner like you, McNally," he said, trying to crack a smile.

"She didn't want you to have to make the tough decisions, Sam," Andy said, resting her hand on his thigh. "She wanted to save you from that."

"She thought I'd be doing it alone. She didn't think I'd have any support with her gone." He placed his hand over Andy's and closed his eyes for a moment, thankful he didn't have to do all of this by himself.

"Mr. Swarek, all we need is for you to decide what day to have the wake and funeral," Mary said.

He shook his head, not knowing if there was protocol for this type of thing. "What would you suggest?"

"Based on experience, I would recommend the day after tomorrow for the wake and the following morning for the funeral. Notices will go out in the newspaper."

"That's fine, yeah, that's fine," he replied, nodding his head.

Sam signed a couple of forms and they left. "Are you okay?" Andy asked as they climbed into his truck. "I mean, I know that's a stupid question. You're sister just died, so of course you can't be, but, you know, are you?"

He put his keys in the ignition, but let his hand drop and fell back against the seat, closing his eyes. "I don't know. I. Don't. Know."

Andy thought at least that was a start. He wasn't lying and telling her he was fine when she knew he wasn't. She'd eventually break down the wall he built up around his emotions. She reached over and linked her fingers with his. "What now?"

He turned his head, surprised when she didn't press him about his feelings. "To Sarah's, I guess."

* * *

They walked through the door to Sarah's quaint apartment and Sam didn't know what to do or how he was going to get through this. Everything here was Sarah. It looked like her, smelled like her, felt like her.

The look on his face made Andy's heart break and she knew there was nothing she could do or say to take away his grief. She held out the envelope they'd been given at the hospital. "You should see what's in here," she suggested.

He shook his head. "You. I can't."

She sat down on the couch and carefully poured the contents of the envelope onto the coffee table. There wasn't much - a pair of glasses, a watch and some jewelry - but it was the beautiful pendant that caught her eye. She picked it up, placing it in her palm to get a better look. It was a tiny bird, flying away from a nest. "Look at this, it's beautiful."

Sam's eyes wandered to the necklace Andy was holding. "She loved that. Our mother gave it to her after her attack. It was a reminder, encouragement I guess, that she could leave the house and not be scared."

Andy carefully picked up all the jewelry and headed to the bedroom. "I'm gonna see if I can find a jewelry box to put this all in," she told Sam.

When she returned, Sam was looking around the room, knowing what he needed to do, but having a hard time starting the process. "Will you...will you help me sort through Sarah's stuff?" he asked. He'd never even introduced Andy to Sarah, despite her requests, and here he was asking her to help him go through his sister's things.

"You don't need to do that now. We can come back some other time," she said, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"No, I need to. I need to do something. I can't just sit...sit and wait for the wake," he said as he walked in a circle around the room. He looked around, not knowing where to start.

"Why don't we go through the most important stuff first, stuff you'll likely be keeping," she suggested. When he didn't move, she looked over at a desk in the corner of the room. "Why don't you start going through the desk. Look for any important papers, loose ends that might need to be taken care of."

He sat heavily in the chair in front of the desk, opened one of the drawers and started pulling out files. Andy looked around to see what she could help with and saw an antique trunk that looked like it might hold sentimental items. She kneeled in front of it and opened the lid, seeing it packed to the brim. Sitting back on her heels, she pulled out the item that was on top, a small photo album. She opened it and saw recent photos of Sarah and her friends. There were even a couple of her and Sam mixed in. Smiling she put it aside and looked at what else was inside. There were a lot of mementos and to Andy they looked like precious family items.

"Sam, I think you're going to want to take this whole trunk," she said, looking over at him. He put down the papers he was flipping through and walked over to where Andy was sitting. "It looks like photos, family mementos."

"Yeah. Sarah's box of treasures. She was always afraid I'd lose something, being away from home so much with undercover work." He reached in and pulled out a large photo album that was worn and looked like it had been around for a long time. Sam took it with him as he sat down on the couch. Andy quickly joined him, lacing her arm through his.

He opened it slowly and Andy took a long look at the first photo. A man and a very pregnant woman stood on a porch with a young girl, maybe about four years old. With grins on their faces, Andy realized Sam's dimples were genetic. If she could ever get him to smile again, they'd match the dimples of the little girl and her father. The other photos on the page included the same little girl doing cartwheels and blowing out candles. "Sarah's birthday?" Andy asked.

"Yeah, her fourth. Just before I was born," Sam replied. He turned the page to more photos from the party. Everyone looked so happy.

The birthday photos were followed by some miscellaneous family photos, and eventually when Sam turned another page, there was the woman again, but this time cuddling a tiny baby boy in a hospital bed. "You were a cute baby." Her eyes moved to another photo and she giggled. "Even then, you were working the dimples."

Sam's lips curved into a small smile. "Trying to charm the nurses, I guess."

Andy leaned into Sam as they continued to flip through the photo album. Sam paused when he turned to a page that had a large photo of his whole family. His father was standing behind a love seat, dressed in a suit, arms on the shoulders of his wife who sat below him. She was dressed in a flowery sundress, with one arm around the shoulders of Sarah, who was dressed in a similar dress with what looked to be butterflies on it. In her other arm, she held Sam, wrapped tightly in a blue blanket. The happiness exuded from the smiles on their faces.

"The last family photo," Sam said, rubbing his thumb over the image. "Not long after he was taken away."

"What happened?" Andy asked quietly.

"He'd started drabbling in gun and drug trafficking through the mechanics shop he worked at. Said he did it to put food on the table, but there are other ways to make extra money." He clenched and unclenched his fist at the memory. He lost out on having a father because of what he got involved with. "He was busted, sent to jail."

He started slowly flipping through the photo album again, but Andy knew he wasn't finished talking, so she remained quiet, waiting for him to continue.

"When I met him that first time at Maplehurst, he promised he'd be back. But my mother decided she was done, filed for divorce and when he was released she refused to let him near us. He told us later that he knew the courts would side with her based on his past, so he didn't push. He kept in touch with letters for a while. Sarah would sneak him photos of us," Sam said.

When they reached the end of the photo album, Sam got up, put it back in the trunk and retrieved another album. "He tried to come back after Sarah was attacked, but everything was different," he said, returning to the couch. "He didn't stick around long."

"I'm sorry, Sam."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sarah and I had each other."

The new photo album held photos of Sam and Sarah as children and the heaviness of the conversation was lifted when they couldn't help but laugh as some of the images. "You really loved torturing your sister, didn't you?" she asked when they came across a photo of Sam holding the head of one of Sarah's dolls in one hand, the body in his other.

"What? I was six? Dolls were stupid." When Sam let out a genuine chuckle at the memory, Andy couldn't help but smile. Maybe going through Sarah's things would be good for him.

Nearing the end of the album, Andy couldn't help but notice Sam's mother had gone missing from the photos. "Where's your mom?" she asked.

"She died. Her depression after Sarah's attack got the best of her and she overdosed one day," he explained.

"And your foster home comment a few months ago...you and Sarah were put in foster care, weren't you?" she asked, hoping she wasn't prying too much.

Sam nodded. Sarah had been 15, he'd been 11, when they woke up one morning to find their mother sprawled lifeless on the couch. Child services had tried finding their father, but to no avail, so they'd been sent to foster care. Bouncing from home to home for years. His father was eventually tracked down, but the courts deemed him an unfit parent and kept Sam and Sarah in the foster care system.

After more than an hour and two more albums of photos, Andy smiled seeing photos of Sarah's high school graduation. Sam looked so proud, and knowing what his sister had gone through, Andy knew why. She'd overcome a lot to survive and move past her attack. "You both look so happy."

"We were, until she realized our father never showed up. He'd promised. Told her he wouldn't miss it. We found out later that he'd been arrested days before and was in jail again. But he never even called," he said. He quickly flipped through the rest of the graduation photos. "She'd always held out hope about him, but it was gone after that. It was just us." His voice started to crack as the realization came over him again that there was no longer an 'us' when he came to Sarah and him; it was just him now.

He closed the album and placed it on the coffee table. As he leaned back against the couch, Andy cupped his cheek, running her thumb against his skin. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. He wanted to be in his apartment or her condo, having a lazy day off together. Not sorting through his sister's belongings because she was gone, never coming back. Never filling a room with her laughter again, never scolding him about not visiting enough, never telling him how worried she was when he went undercover.

"Sam?" She waited until he opened his eyes and looked at her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Just..." He swallowed thickly, trying to find his voice again. "This. Being here."

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "It'll get better. They always say it'll get better." She didn't know who the 'they' was that deemed it would get better, but decided Sam needed to hear the hope that with each day, his grief would lessen and things would get better. So, Andy chose to believe the mysterious people who somehow knew everything would get better and only hoped Sam would believe it too.

They started looking through Sarah's belongings again, moving the things Sam wanted to keep into a pile in the center of the living room. They made a note to get some boxes to pack things into and Sam made a couple of calls about donating most of his sister's clothes, household items and furniture to local charities. Andy called Traci to update her on what was going on and let her know when the wake and funeral was going to be. She didn't know how close Jerry, Oliver, Noelle and Frank were to Sarah, but figured they would want to know.

Several hours had passed by before Andy glanced at her watch and realized they'd gone all day without eating anything. "Hey, we should check in at the hotel and grab some dinner."

"Not really hungry," he said, sifting through more papers.

"Sam, you have to eat. We haven't eaten since we got up." She was ready to use guilt to make him come to dinner, because she knew he couldn't resist her.

He put down what he was holding and sighed. "I just want to get it done."

"I know," she said, walking over to him. "But, we're not going to finish tonight. We can come back first thing tomorrow. You've got to be hungry and I know I am."

She wrapped an arm around his waist and he kissed her forehead. "You're right. Let's go."

They drove to their hotel and checked in. Not wanting to go far, they found a restaurant across the street and headed there for dinner.

* * *

When they got back to their room after dinner, Sam sunk into the couch. He had just grabbed the TV remote when Andy plopped down next to him and took the remote from his hand. He hadn't cried when he got the news about Sarah's death. He hadn't cried when he saw her lying on the cold metal slab in the hospital. He hadn't cried at the funeral home. He hadn't cried going through Sarah's things. But through dinner Andy finally saw his resolve weakening and now she saw emotion filling his eyes. She wasn't going to let him get lost in some ridiculous TV show to ignore what he was feeling.

She pulled him down, so his head rested on her lap, and she gently ran her fingers through his hair. She felt his breath becoming heavy and strained as he tried fighting his emotions. Her free hand slid down his arm until she could link her fingers with his. "It's okay," she whispered, letting him know it was okay to let it all go.

He brought their linked hands up to his lips so he could kiss her knuckles. Leaving their hands resting against his cheek, she soon felt the tears streaming down his face fall onto her hand. She released his hand so she could wrap her arm around his chest and pull him back toward her. She felt the silent sobs vibrate through his body as she held him. There were no words that could help, no words that would offer comfort, no words that would bring back his sister. So, she stayed silent and held him, tears forming in her own eyes for what he was going through, for what he lost.

She sat like that, with Sam in her arms, for what seemed like an eternity. He had stopped shaking and hadn't said a word, and she thought he might have fallen asleep. She moved her arm that was around his chest and had barely grazed his cheek with the back of her hand, when his fingers wrapped around her wrist gently. He brought their hands to rest against his chest and she could feel his heartbeat.

He knew he should sit up, but he wasn't sure how to do what was next. He wasn't one to cry, let alone in front of anyone, but somehow with Andy it was easy to let his emotions flow. Still, it was hard for him to face her after he'd cried in her arms. He sat up slowly, taking a deep breath.

She stared at him for a minute, taking in his red eyes, tear-streaked cheeks and nervousness. "Hi," she said, giving him a small smile.

"Hi."

She knew he was embarrassed about crying in front of her and didn't want to make him more uncomfortable. She wanted him to feel safe. She wanted to be there for him whenever he needed to release his emotions. "So, I was, uh, thinking of getting ready for bed. You know, if we want to get up early to go back to Sarah's."

As she started to get off the couch, Sam pulled her back down and framed her face with his hands before bringing his lips to hers. She hadn't pressured him to talk. She hadn't pointed out he'd been crying. She knew exactly what he needed. God, he loved this girl. She brought her hands to the nape of his neck as he deepened the kiss. It was full of passion and need and want. He broke apart as quickly as he started the kiss, but stayed close, nudging her nose with his as they both breathed heavily. "Thank you," he said, his voice low and hoarse.

She smiled and placed a light kiss on his lips. "Anytime."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "And, you know, I'm here, when you want to talk," she said softly, her hand sliding up and down his chest. She felt him nod.

They quickly changed into their pajamas and collapsed onto the bed. It had been an emotionally exhausting day and Andy knew the next couple of days could only get worse. As they lay in bed, his grip wasn't quite as tight as the night before, but he'd pulled her half on top of him with his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her against him. She fought her closing eye-lids, wanting to make sure Sam had fallen peacefully asleep before she let it overtake her as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing! I'm glad people enjoyed the first chapter, despite how sad it is. I know we've all had more sadness than we need lately with this show, but I really liked writing this story. Enjoy part two and don't forget to leave a review! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Sam and Andy stopped to pick up some boxes on their way to Sarah's the next day and Andy immediately began packing the items they already pulled aside while Sam continued going through his sister's belongings. She saw him pause every once in a while, pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and sighing or slumping down in a chair.

He had just sat down at the kitchen table when she walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Those are beautiful," she said, nodding at two stunning champagne glasses sitting on the table.

"They were a prized possession of hers. It was one of the very few things she spent a ridiculous amount of money on. Sarah hoped to pass them down to children someday, wanted something that would become an heirloom," he said, pulling Andy down on his lap.

"What are you going to do with them?" she asked, knowing he was struggling with what to do.

"I mean, it's just etched glass. I don't even drink champagne." He rolled the stem of one of the glasses between his fingers.

"But they meant a lot to Sara," Andy said, vocalizing what Sam hadn't said.

"Yeah."

"So, take them. A month from now if you change your mind, you can get rid of them. If you leave them now, you can't get them back," she said, brushing her fingers along the side of his neck.

"You're the voice of reason," he said, smiling.

"That's what you keep me around for," she said, returning his smile.

Sam cupped the back of her neck and pulled her close so his lips could meet hers. "Keep you around for a lot more than that," he mumbled against her lips.

They spent a few more hours at Sarah's before heading back to the hotel to shower and get ready for the wake.

They walked into the funeral home and Andy couldn't get over how beautiful everything looked, from how the photos of Sarah were displayed to the flowers surrounding the casket. Sam never realized how many friends, neighbors and coworkers Sarah had, as one by one they came in to pay their respects and offer condolences. Andy obviously didn't know anyone, and Sam only knew a handful of people, but they all shared loving and funny stories about Sarah as they introduced themselves to Sam and explained how they knew his sister.

Andy had just come back from getting her and Sam some water when she looked toward the door and smiled at two familiar faces, Jerry and Oliver. She waved at them as they joined the short line to pay their respects. When Jerry and Oliver finally reached them, Andy could see how grateful Sam was.

"Thanks guys, it means a lot you came all the way down here," he said.

"C'mon brother. You know we had to be here for you," Oliver said, slapping Sam on the shoulder.

"She was a great woman, Sammy," Jerry said.

Sam nodded, swallowing the emotion he was trying to fight back.

"I remember the first time I met her," Oliver said. "The academy graduation and she was acting all mother hen on us. She cared about all of us even though she'd never met us before that day." Jerry nodded in agreement as he recalled the memory.

Sam looked at the ground as images of the memory popped up in his head. "She was only a few years older, but was always there to take care of me."

Andy rubbed a hand up and down his arm before looking over at Oliver and Jerry again. "Are you heading back tonight?" she asked.

"No, we'll be here for the funeral tomorrow. You guys up for dinner after this?" Jerry asked.

Sam seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, so Andy replied for them. "Sounds good. There's a pub down the street we can meet you at."

They agreed to meet there before Oliver and Jerry embraced Sam briefly in brotherly hugs and said their goodbyes.

Nearly two hours into the wake, Sam needed a break. He wasn't sure if he could hear 'I'm sorry' or 'It's so tragic' or 'She's in a better place now' one more time. Andy seemed to read his thoughts. "There's a back room Mary told me we could use if we needed a moment," she said, putting her hand over his.

He nodded, but as they stood up, a gentleman walking in the door caught Sam's eye. His fists clenched as he stalked over to him, with Andy trailing behind wondering what was happening. Sam poked his finger in the man's chest. "You _don't_ get to be here. You were never there for her then. We sure as hell don't need you now." His voice rising with every word, heads started to turn toward them.

"Sam," Andy whispered.

He looked over at her and back at the man in front of him. "Get out." With that, he stormed off to the back room Andy had pointed to. She shrugged her shoulders at the man, not knowing what had just happened, and followed Sam.

When she closed the door behind her, she watched Sam pacing back and forth in the small room. "Sam...who is he?"

Sam scrubbed his hands over his face. "He's Peter Swarek. My father."

Her eyes went wide. She couldn't believe she didn't recognize him; he'd aged considerably from the photos she'd seen. After everything Sam had told her about his father, she never expected to see him here. She wondered if Sarah had secretly kept in touch with him or if she carried the same hatred Sam did.

"I just, I can't. If I go back out there, I'm going to punch him. I can't let that happen when Sarah is lying right there," he said, with anger clearly coming through his voice.

"Look, stay here, okay? I'll make sure he's gone. Okay?" When he didn't respond, she repeated her question. "Okay?" He finally nodded and she leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek.

She walked out of the room and quickly found the man in the crowd. She took a deep breath and walked over to him. "Excuse me? Mr. Swarek?"

He turned toward her and smiled, reaching out his hand. "Please, call me Peter. I'm Sarah's father."

"I know who you are Mr. Swarek," she replied, leaving his hand empty. "Sir, it's best if you leave. Right now."

"She's my daughter. I have every right to be here."

"That may be true, but my boyfriend and I are cops and we will have you arrested for causing a disturbance if you don't leave right now." She hoped he bought that as she knew good and well her and Sam didn't have any jurisdiction down here. "Look, I'll give you a moment to pay your respects to Sarah, if you wish, but then I must ask you to leave."

He knew where this was coming from. He knew his son was putting this woman up to this. He thought with what happened to Sarah, Sam might begin to forgive him, but he'd been wrong. "I didn't mean to cause him any pain. I just, I wanted to see my daughter one last time. Tell him..." He sighed, knowing there were so many things he wanted to tell Sam. "Tell him I'm sorry...for a lot of things." Leaving Andy standing there, he turned and walked out the door.

Andy walked back into the room where Sam waited. "Hey...he's gone," she said, walking over to him.

He circled his arms around her waist and rested his forehead on hers. "Thank you."

She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his back. "There's less than an hour left and then you'll have some private time with her before they, you know, before they do whatever they do to prepare for tomorrow," she said softly.

"Don't leave." The words came out of his mouth before he could censor himself. He never let his emotions show like this. He didn't know what was happening, but when she said _he'd_ have private time with Sarah, all he could think about was that he wanted her there with him. By his side, keeping him upright, telling him what to do, helping him get through this. He'd never relied on someone like this before, but Andy made it easy. She didn't question his actions, she didn't judge, she was just there for him.

"Never," she replied as she took his hand in hers and led them back into the viewing room.

Once everyone had left, Sam stood in front of the open casket looking down at his sister. "Hey Sar, it's just me." He cast a glance over his shoulder at Andy, who was speaking with Mary across the room. "Me and Andy. You'd like her. I wish you had gotten to meet her. I'm sorry I never took her to visit." He scrubbed a hand over his tired face. "I'm sorry _I _didn't visit more."

Andy walked up and placed a comforting hand on his back. He wrapped an arm around her waist with a firm grip on her hip. "I should've visited more, called more. I'm sorry sis," he said, eyes still on Sarah.

"She knew you loved her," Andy whispered in his ear.

"I didn't say it enough."

"She knew. You're her brother. And your actions say more than any words could. She knew, Sam."

"I love you Sarah. I'm gonna miss you. But you'll always..." He stopped speaking as emotion began to get the best of him. He took a couple of deep breaths and felt Andy's hand rubbing his back in soothing circles. "You'll always be in my heart."

"Sam, do you want...I can wait outside," Andy offered.

"No." He needed her by his side. He was pretty sure the only reason he hadn't collapsed to the floor at some point in the last 48 hours was because of her. "Stay."

She smiled at him and they stood there latched on to one another as Sam looked down silently at his sister. Sam wasn't ready for this to be over, as it was the last time he would ever lay eyes on his sister, but he knew it was time. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Sarah." He let go of Andy so he could lean down and place a kiss on Sarah's forehead. "Goodbye, sis."

He stood up and turned toward Andy. "I'm gonna hit the restroom and then we can get out of here."

Andy nodded and watched him walk away before turning back to Sarah. "Sarah...I know we've never met, but...I want you to know that your brother is the best thing that ever happened to me." She wiped away a tear that had escaped. "And I promise to always be there for him." She spared a glanced toward the restroom to make sure Sam hadn't come out yet. "I promise to make sure he gets through this and gets back to his life...because I know that's what you'd want."

She felt Sam's presence in the room again and walked over to meet him near the door. He grabbed her hand in his as they left the funeral home.

* * *

They met Jerry and Oliver for dinner and the three men told story after story about Sarah. Andy listened and laughed, and was glad to see some of the sadness removed from Sam's face for at least a couple of hours.

Oliver had been worried about his friend and how he'd take Sarah's death. He was afraid he'd find Sam holed up in a bar with a bottle of scotch, or anger seeping through every action he took, every word he spoke. But instead, what Oliver found was a normal grieving brother being comforted by his loving girlfriend. He smiled thinking about the affect Andy had on Sam. Losing Sarah was going to be hard on Sam, but Oliver was no longer worried his friend would go off the deep end. He had someone to ground him to life and happiness.

Sam and Andy left the restaurant and returned to the hotel, knowing they had to get up early for the funeral. They got into bed and Andy propped her head on her hand so she could look down at Sam as he lay next to her. "Tonight went well. A lot of people turned out for Sarah. And it was nice of Oliver and Jerry to come down," she said, placing her other hand gently on his bare chest.

"Yeah. Everyone loved her." His deep brown eyes met hers and were filled with sadness. "I wish you had gotten to meet her. I'm sorry I didn't bring you down here sooner."

She shook her head. "It's okay. I mean, I would've loved to meet her, but in a way I feel like I have...sorting through her things, looking through all those photos."

"She would've liked you," he said, causing Andy to smile.

They laid there silent for a few minutes until Andy spoke. "Is there anything else I can do? I want to...I feel like I should...I don't know." She hated that she couldn't take away the pain he was feeling, that she couldn't fix this for him.

"No, what you're doing, you being here, it's perfect." He smiled and shifted so he could place his hands on either side of Andy's face. "But, I need to forget. For tonight, for one night I need to forget that my sister is gone." He hated saying it like that, but he needed his mind cleared of his sister's accident, of the fact he couldn't protect her. He needed to lose himself in Andy and prayed she understood.

She shifted so she was straddling him, sitting lightly on his thighs. "I can make you forget," she said, smiling mischievously. His hands gripped her hips as she pulled her tank top over her head, revealing her bare skin, and tossed it aside. She put her hands on the bed on either side of his head so she could lean down to press her lips to his. She quickly deepened the kiss before letting her mouth travel down his neck, leaving kisses and gentle bites in her wake. His hands lightly grazed up her sides causing a shiver to travel down her spine. He loved that he had that effect on her with a simple touch, cause god knows, she had the same effect on him. She ground her hips against his. "Tell me what you want," she whispered in his ear seductively as one hand slid down his body and into his boxers. She grinned when she felt how much she was already making him forget.

* * *

Andy woke up first the next morning, legs tangled with Sam's, his arm lying heavily across her torso, his breath hitting her shoulder every time he exhaled. She turned her head and watched him sleep. It was the only time she'd seen him content since he got the phone call about Sarah.

She glanced over at the clock and realized they needed to get up soon to get ready for the funeral. She rolled onto her side and placed her hand on Sam's cheek, rubbing gently with her thumb. Her touch made him stir, tightening the arm around her waist and pulling her closer. He groggily mumbled something that she assumed was 'good morning' and she pressed her lips to his briefly.

"Morning," she said.

Feeling her staring at him, he forced his eyelids open and smiled when Andy's face was inches from his. "This is a beautiful view to wake up to," he said, as his hand skated up and down her bare back. Andy ducked her head sheepishly, thinking she was probably the farthest thing from beautiful as she lay there un-showered, with bedhead and un-brushed teeth. He loved seeing her blush, especially when he was the one causing it. He knew she didn't see how beautiful she was, but he saw her external beauty and felt her internal beauty every day.

"You ready for today?" she asked, her fingers moving from his cheek to his ear, stopping there to play with his earlobe.

"I guess," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'll be right there, by your side, the whole time," she assured him.

"Only thing getting me through this." He stared into her eyes and she saw how heartfelt his statement was. "Thank you."

"Sam, you don't need to thank me. I want to be here. I want to help you through this."

Glancing behind Andy at the clock, Sam frowned. He could lay in bed all day with her and be happy, but they needed to get up and get ready for the funeral. Andy read his mind. "Yeah, we have to get up. I'll jump in the shower first," she said, pulling herself out of his grasp and rolling off the bed.

* * *

The funeral was simple, but beautiful. Andy thought Sarah had done a wonderful job with the choices she made. She sat solemnly with Sam, fingers intertwined through the whole service. His eyes were glued to the casket. There wasn't any type of graveside service, but Sam insisted on following the hearse and watching his beloved sister be put in the ground. If she had been watching anyone else through the morning, tears would have been falling from her face, but she refused to let emotion take over. She wanted to be strong for Sam. This was a time for him to break down, not her.

When they finally left the cemetery, they went back to the hotel to change out of their dress clothes before heading back over to Sarah's. They had plans to meet a woman who handled selling and donating items from people's estates since Sam couldn't handle everything himself once he went back to Toronto.

The woman arrived shortly after they did and he explained what he wanted to donate. She was very grateful and said she'd have people here the next day to start removing the items. They went through the items she would be taking before Sam gave her a spare key for the apartment and signed some forms.

Sam and Andy spent the afternoon doing one last check of the apartment and packing the boxes of what he was keeping into his truck. When they were finished they returned to the hotel to get cleaned up and headed to dinner.

It was such a nice night, they decided to take a walk after dinner. They walked around the quaint center of town, glancing in store windows. Each business they passed, Sam wondered if his sister had been a frequent customer there. Nothing could shake Sarah from his mind. Everything seemed to remind him of her. Andy squeezed Sam's hand that she held in her own.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"You know what? Today's a good day. It is. It is. Tomorrow's gonna to be much different. Yesterday we had the wake, today the funeral. Tomorrow there's nothing left to do. Tomorrow we're going to wake up and the world is going to expect it to be like any other day. But it won't be. It's going to take time, Sam."

Sam stopped walking and shifted so he faced Andy. "When we leave tomorrow, that's it. All that's left of Sarah is in my truck," he said.

"The best parts of Sarah, the best memories of her...they're all right here," she said, placing her hand over his heart. "She will always be with you Sam. Leaving here, going back to Toronto...it's getting back to your life. A life she would want you to be happy in."

"I failed her."

Andy quirked her eyebrows in question and waited for Sam to continue. "I failed to protect her. I was her brother and I promised to look out for her, but I wasn't there to protect her," Sam said.

"You couldn't be there every minute of every day. Accidents happen. And that's what this was, a horribly tragic accident," she replied.

Sam knew she was being the voice of reason, but ever since Sarah's attack it was burned into his brain that he had to protect those he cared about. And if he couldn't protect his own sister, how was he supposed to protect Andy. "But...I'm supposed to protect the people I love."

The look on his face told her he wasn't only talking about Sarah. "Sam..." she sighed.

"It's my instinct, to protect."

"And you do a great job at that. But some things are out of your control. I mean, if something happened to me - "

"Andy, don't," he cut her off.

Ignoring his protest, she continued. "_If_ something were to happen to me, you can't blame yourself, just like you can't for a drunk driver killing Sarah." She reached out to intertwine her fingers with his.

They walked in silence, as they both let Andy's words sink in, and slowly made their way back to the hotel.

* * *

Andy glanced over at the clock before her eyes refocused on the ceiling. They'd gone to bed two hours ago and while Sam had fallen asleep quickly, Andy couldn't seem to. Her mind was racing. She'd never lost someone she loved as much as Sam loved his sister and these last few days had her wondering a lot about it. Her mom had left her when she was young, but she hadn't died, so it had been a different kind of sadness. She wondered how she'd deal with the grief if something happened to Traci, Chris, Dov, or even Gail. She'd had many sleepless nights thinking about her dad and if his drinking would take his life someday. But hypotheticals were different. She turned her head to look at Sam. She couldn't even imagine how she'd react if something happened to him. And that brought her back to the loss Sam was feeling.

Andy slid out from under Sam's arm and got up from the bed slowly, careful not to wake him. She padded to the bathroom, closing the door quietly before turning the light on. She sat on the edge of the tub, box of tissues in hand. She couldn't imagine losing the only real family you had left. She thought about all the family photos they'd looked at, the fun times, the sad memories. Tears streamed down her face, but she stifled any sobs that threatened to break through as she didn't want to wake Sam. She thought again about losing her dad, or Sam, and her heart broke because that's how Sam was feeling. She wondered how people recovered from losing people they loved. When the tears finally stopped flowing, she stood up and looked at her red, puffy eyes in the mirror. She splashed some water on her face, hoping Sam would never know she'd been crying. Shutting the light off, she opened the door softly, and quietly made her way back to the bed. She tried to make as little movement as possible as she laid back on the bed, and as Sam shifted she curled her body into him.

Sam had woken up the moment the warm body next to him had moved. He'd heard her enter the bathroom, saw the sliver of light beneath the door. When he didn't hear the sound of water, he knew. He just knew she was in there crying. With every ounce of his body he fought the urge to bust through the door. But he knew she didn't want to cry in front of him; knew she was trying to be the strong one for him. So, he laid there listening to the silence and waiting for her to come back to bed. When she finally emerged from the bathroom, he felt the bed dip with her weight and heard her sniffle as she curled into him. As she snuggled closer, he laid a protective arm around her.

The next morning, Sam woke up first and he let his fingers draw gentle circles on her back as he watched her sleep. He hoped someday he'd find a way to repay her for everything she'd done for him. He wasn't one to willingly let his emotions show, but with Andy, it was different. Without her by his side he would have crumbled. He traced her face with his eyes as he continued to watch her sleep. By the time he got to her lips, she shifted and her hand move to rest on his chest as he saw her eyelids flutter open. She immediately saw him staring at her and blushed, before burrowing her head into the crook of his neck.

"You were watching me sleep again," she mumbled into his neck.

"Good morning," he said, intentionally not giving her an answer. He knew it made her blush, but there was no way he'd ever stop staring at her beauty...even if she was asleep. He slipped the hand that had been drawing circles on her back underneath the tank top she wore, and rubbed soothingly up and down her back. "Don't be shy," he said, using the shoulder she was leaning on to nudge her.

She got the hint and lifted her head so she could look at him. "You're impossible, you know that?" Her smile told him she was anything but annoyed at him.

"Yup." He shifted them both so her full weight was on top of him. "But that's why you love me." He placed a kiss on her nose before his lips found hers.

An hour later when they finally got out of bed, they quickly showered and packed their suitcases. Sam had just placed his suitcase near the door when Andy walked up to him, wrapped her arms around him hugging him tight and rested her head on his shoulder. Stunned by the sudden affection as they were moments from heading out the door, Sam slowly circled his arms around her and held her close.

"You're gonna be okay," she said quietly.

"What?"

"I mean, when we leave, go back to Toronto, back to our life. You're gonna be okay. It's gonna be tough. She was everything to you. It'll take time, but soon all the happy memories will be what fills your head," she said.

He was shocked she seemed to know what he'd been thinking all morning. All he could think about was Sarah's death. Images of what the scene of the accident might have looked like ran through his brain, coupled with those of her lying on the metal table in the hospital. He'd been wondering how he was going to move on. How life was going to get back to normal now that he had no wake to go to, no funeral to focus on, no more of Sarah's things to sort through. But Andy was right. It was just going to take time.

"I know," he said, quietly. "Sarah might be gone…but, I still have you."

"You always will," she whispered.

Sam smiled. Yeah, with her by his side everything would be okay.

* * *

The End


End file.
